I love funny stories…especially when they involve bathrooms. Okay, I know all of you secretly do too, so just admit it. For some reason I was reminded of a particularly hilarious drive from Milano to Pietragavina with Jason his two little kiddos and Sarah. So here goes….
We got out of church and Bekah quickly headed off with Michael on his scooter to find the closest Farmacia. She needed an antihistamine for her eye and arm. So, the rest of us stood on a little corner trying to figure out who was riding with who — it was kind of funny, no one really seemed to know what was going on and Italians have pretty small cars. Julia and Giorgio arrived which meant Sarah and I had some English speakers to talk to! Well, after a while we finally decided that Sarah and I would ride with Jason and Amber would go with Julia and Giorgio while Bekah decided to go home and recover from her spider bite. We got in the car and had an adventurous ride on a couple of accounts. First off was the driving, we were going really fast and whenever anyone did something that another driver did not like, that driver would get right up on your bumper and tail at extremely high speeds for a little while to show disapproval. That was pretty fun. Plus we were following Stefano, the speed demon, it’s a whole new category of speed demon though. Okay, so there we were rolling along on this Italian highway with the Alps in the distance passing through these gorgeous little towns and countryside, listening to Jason tell us about his wife Allison. Oh, it was so sweet and we got to hear about how they met and how he proposed and how they ended up in Italy. It was lovely. If I try really hard I can almost feel that day — riding in the little Fiat, all three of us in the bench seat in the front with the little boys and Romina in the back, the soft sunshine on my face and the majestic Alps in the distance, the pleasant conversation and little Joshua spewing out perfect Italian in the back along with perfect English to us in the front. Then we got there and it was really breathtakingly beautiful and oh so quaint. Mmmm, I can smell the sausage grilling and the free wine everywhere and all of the fresh produce and cheese. Oh and the castagnas in the fire pit. There was just so much food everywhere. The weather was perfect — high 60s with sunshine. Okay, okay, tangents….
The ride home is what I was really aiming for…it was late we were all tired and we didn’t have Stefano leading us back to Milano. Amber rode home with us — she was in the back with the boys while Sarah and I assumed our previous positions in the front. Joshua quickly fell asleep on Amber and her cozy jacket. It was dark and we quickly plugged Milano into our TomTom and put our complete trust into its’ navigational system. So there we were driving home laughing all the way. Jason began by telling us the story of Luis Carlos, one of his childhood friends (he grew up in Brazil). Well, Luis Carlos had a crush on a girl. He finally got the nerve to ask her out, however, before he was allowed to take her out he had to go have the formal meeting/dinner with the parents at her house. He went and they were all sitting there enjoying a nice dinner. Then it happened. He felt it coming, pretty sure we all know how it feels. The rumbles start coming in your stomach and then it starts hurting and then you know you need to find a toilet, FAST. He quickly excused himself asking for directions to the bathroom. They directed him upstairs. He found the bathroom and relieved himself. Oh it was baaaadddddd…the worst of diarrhea, he was there for what seemed like ages. All he could think about was the fact that it must have seemed like an eternity to those downstairs as well, I mean they were just sitting there at the dinner table, waiting for HIM. Oh boy, first date/meeting the parents was not going well. SOS. Well, he finally finished and was feeling MUCH better. Must have been the nerves was his conclusion. He reached for the toilet paper, but there was none. Uh oh, he started looking in all the corners and the linen closet, much to his chagrin there was not even a square of charmin in sight. He panicked. Then he realized it was okay, he would just use the bidet. He got up off of the toilet and then realized for some odd reason there wasn’t a bidet in this bathroom. WHAT???!!! He thought to himself, what kind of bathroom doesn’t have a bidet? This one. Just his luck. Well, he decided he would use the next best thing, the pedestal sink. He hoisted himself up in an effort to do the next best thing and the next thing he knew he was down…and bleeding and the sink was on the floor with him and the pipe was exposed and quickly flooding the small bathroom. Uh oh. This was just getting worse and worse. His date’s father came running up and called for medical help. Poor Luis had to get stitches and never saw that girl again. Bahahahahaha, I almost passed out I was laughing so hard.
Look for Part 2 tomorrow!